Are you Building with your Words, or Destroying?

“She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” (Prov.31:26)

According to research done and uploaded on Researchgate.net by Richard Slatcher, women talk an average of 16,000 words a day, and men slightly less than that.  

Even the quietest of women will generally talk more than expected when given a conducive environment.

With these many words in a day, is it possible that unwholesome talk could slip out of your tongue albeit you not knowing it?  

Words have the power to bless and the power to curse. They can bring restoration, or they can destroy. They can be life-giving, or they can bring death.

Consider this verse:

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.’’ (Proverbs 18:21).

You and I as women can’t afford to spew words out like venom or simply talk because the situation calls for it. We must learn to weigh our words, prayerfully trusting God to speak appropriately as he leads in every situation.

There will be situations where the best solution is to hold our tongue and say nothing.

“Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.” (James 1:26.)

James in the Bible further exhorts us that:

“Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” (James 3:5-6).

How, then, does a woman speak with wisdom, having faithful instruction on her tongue?

Here are a few guiding principles as we continue to reflect on the Proverbs 31 passage.

1. Deliberately and consistently take in God’s word daily.

The Word of God transforms. Jeremiah tells us it is like a hammer. We read in Hebrews that it is alive and active.

Paul, in his letter to Timothy, crowns it all when he says:

“All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” (Tim. 3:16-17)

For a woman to speak with wisdom, knowing what you and I as women are capable of as a result of our sinful nature, she must have been transformed by a higher superior being; that is, God.

Jesus Christ is also known as the Word of God. We are told in John that he is God and he became flesh and dwelt among us.

When we interact with God’s Word, we are interacting with God himself in the person of Jesus Christ.

Jesus has the power to change us. He has the power to transform us. As he does this, the words that come out of our mouths will bring hope, healing, and restoration to others.

God will also use our words to give us wisdom to live fruitfully.

I am a witness to the transforming power of God’s Word.

When I first got born again, I soon realized that I was still hurting those around me with my words. I cried out to God about this.

I began praying back the Scripture to God. One of the verses I prayed back to God were:

“May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” (Psalms 19:14)

It wasn’t long before I began realizing I was changing. I got to know I was changing through close friends and acquaintances.

As you read, study, meditate, and pray back God’s Word to him, God will work in you. You will then realize that what you are saying to others is wholesome.

A wonderful place to begin in reading God’s Word daily is learning to have a daily quiet time with God. This blog here on how to have an effective quiet time with God will be very helpful.

2. Specifically pray that what comes out of your mouth will glorify God

One of the constants in my daily prayer is asking God for wisdom. It has been my prayer that like the Proverbs 31 woman, I would speak with wisdom.

God has graciously answered this prayer. I’m not where I should be, because we live in a fallen world, but I’ve had feedback from those around me, as I’ve seen God give wisdom whenever I needed it, to do his will. 

James 1:5 encourages us to ask for wisdom from God. He gives it without finding fault.

It is God’s will too that our speech would be seasoned with salt, blessing our recipients and building them up in the faith.

The Proverbs 31 woman not only speaks with wisdom, faithful instruction is on her tongue.

To instruct is to tell someone to do something. It’s also teaching a subject or skill.

Thinking of the Proverbs 31 woman, we know she had children. Part of this faithful instruction is directed towards her children, (Prov.22:6, Eph.6:4) servant girls, and those the Lord has led her way for ministry.

Only God can equip us as women, so that our instruction would help those around us to be fruitful and impactful in what they do.

Keep in mind that part of what God’s Word does in Tim. 3:16-17 is training in righteousness. It is as we instruct, modelling the faith to our children and others, that they’ll be equipped for every good work.

She will learn to say these words “I am sorry” and “Please forgive me”. Bearing in my mind that we are human beings still living here on earth. We will often be the ones on the wrong.

Having the humility to say these words goes a long way in acknowledging where and when we go wrong, constantly looking to God to transform us into Godly women.

3. Be careful about what you read and watch.

We live in a time and generation where we are bursting at the seams with knowledge.

Many books have been written. Blogs, like this one, abound on a broad range of topics. Tutorials in their millions are available to us on almost anything we need information about.

Both the good, the bad, and the ugly can now be found on planet earth at the tap of a button. Any wise discerning woman wants to be careful about what she consumes.

What do you read, child of God? What do you watch?

The Bible warns us that we cannot expect both pure and contaminated water to come from the same spring.

What you read and watch will influence you. It will be a matter of time before we see you act in line with what you consume.

Your heroine, or role model on the screen will eventually dictate what you do, what you say, how you treat others, and how you live.

You want to be careful as a woman that what you are reading and watching aligns with God’s Word. You want to ensure that it builds on what God is already doing rather than destroying God’s work in you.

I’m personally careful about the books I read, the channels I watch on YouTube, the podcasts I listen to, and what I do with my phone.

I’m careful not to be on my phone for extended periods of time scrolling on social media. I will rarely have time to scroll on social media.

I try to ensure to keep my data or Wi-Fi off before I go to sleep and only have it on when I’ve done what I consider my non-negotiables in the morning such as my Quiet Time with God.

I’m not perfect but I keep working on this. I pray that you and I will be very careful about what we read and watch. It will influence our speech either for good or for bad in the long run.

4. Be careful about the kind of company you keep.

Bad company ruins good morals. Warns the apostle Paul in 1Corinthians 15:33.

An old Spanish Proverb says: Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are.

Proverbs 13: 20 hits the point home:

“He who walks with the wise grows wise, but the company of fools suffers harm.”

Need I say more about this point?

Needless to say, if you want to be a wise woman; if you want your words to be a blessing to others; if you want to glorify God with your speech… dear sister, keep the company of the wise.

Keep the company of those who, like you, desire to please God and to do right.

Keep the company of those who seek God’s face and remain in his Word.

Keep away from women who speak evil of their husbands. Stay away from those who hurt others with their words. Don’t join those who belittle young ones rather than seeking to build them up.

If you don’t, you will be influenced by them. Slowly but surely, as the scriptures warn us, you will be like them.

5. Seek the mentorship of older mature women who exhibit the character of the Proverbs 31 woman.

Titus 2:3-5 is a beautiful scripture that expounds on what older women are to train the younger women.

“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

 

The verses above first outline the character of the older woman. This is key because you cannot give what you do not have however much you try. What you have and are will eventually show.

From this passage of scripture, we learn that it is God’s will for younger women to be mentored by older godly women.

Notice that the things the older women are to train the younger women are foundational in nurturing a younger woman towards having wholesome speech.

For instance, I doubt that a younger woman can submit or obey her husband without having wholesome speech. She may also not exhibit faithful instruction without being sober.

An older godly woman will guide you as a younger woman, giving you the right godly counsel as you navigate life as a woman, wife, and mother. Keep in mind that she’s been where you are before.

Don’t fall into the trap of king Rehoboam in the Old Testament. He rejected the advice of the elders who’d served his father. Instead, he chose to follow the advice of his peers. You know the implications of his actions. If you don’t know, you can read about it in …

I have been a beneficiary of the counsel of older godly women.  Taking to heart their counsel and watching their lives has spared me what would be wrong turns in life as I learned to put a tight rein on my tongue, including in my relationship with my husband.

Seek such mentoring relationships.

6. Trust God to guide conversations around you towards what pleases God.

I learned this from an older godly woman who happened to be one of the main speakers at a couple’s seminar my husband and I attended several years ago.

I listened keenly as she shared how, when she had company, she would trust God to weave the conversation in her house towards God and his Word.

I made up my mind to follow suit. I have since sought to direct the conversation around me towards God and his will.

I will often pray, trusting God to lead our conversation with a person we’re conversing with, even when we seem to hit a snag in our chat and I’m wondering how we should go on from there.

God has graciously led. This has often granted my husband and I several opportunities to affirm God’s will in a matter, witness to a lost soul, and give counsel and direction as God enabled us.

A godly woman seeks to establish God’s kingdom where she is, often using her words and actions to bring glory to the name of Jesus Christ.

She wants to trust God as a mother that her children’s speech will be wholesome.

She will assert her God-given authority as a mum to help her children know that there are certain words that should not be mentioned in her home because they dishonour God.

She’ll ensure that what her children and guests watch while in her home will stimulate everyone to wholesome thinking. (2Pet.3:1)

She will keep electronic noise in her home to a minimum, so that those in her household edify one another with their presence and their words.

 

I pray you will be among those who endeavoured to honour God with their words because, like the Proverbs 31 woman, you’re continually trusting God to speak with wisdom, having faithful instruction on your tongue.