“It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink: Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted. Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more. Open thy mouth for the dumb in the cause of all such as are appointed to destruction. Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy.” (Prov. 31:4-9)
As we track the Proverbs 31 woman, let’s take one more day to focus and reflect on these opening verses.
Being the originator of the Proverbs 31 passage, the queen mother must have had good reason to include these words.
These words have been written for our good. As we read Proverbs 31, we cannot ignore these opening verses.
I believe that God not only brought forth these words to us so we would know the character that we should strive for. He brought them forth so that we would as women know the character of a godly man.
Should it be the will of God for you who is single to get married, then you would know the kind of man you ought to marry.
For you who is married, you would want to ensure that the single women God enables you to walk with, get married to godly men as the Lord would lead them.
In this post, we will talk about the man. It would be a disservice not to dedicate a post or two of this Proverbs 31-woman series to men now that the Proverbs 31 passage was initially directed at a man.
From the 6 verses above, I want us to derive 5 characteristics of the kind of man a woman of noble character ought to get married to, should the Lord lead her into marriage.
(In case you’d like more insight into the Proverbs 31 chapter, you can buy our book based on this passage right here on Amazon.)
Let’s jump right into the reasons.
- A man of integrity and upright noble character
In the previous post (here), we took some time to talk about the women who destroy men.
The kind of man you should look to God for is one upon who, no immorality; not even a hint of the same is associated with.
“But among you, there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” (Eph. 5:3)
Incidentally, I have heard of girls who are desperate to get married to a certain man, and argue that the man has been immoral but he has “promised” to change.
If he is simply promising you, he will break his word, I assure you. We will talk a little more about this in the last point.
No man can change the heart of another…Only the Holy Spirit can. You do not want to play the Holy Spirit to a man who has resisted him all the years.
Flee from such a man. you will regret ever marrying such a one, believe me.
The Bible doesn’t mince its words in telling us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers as the KJV puts it.
A yoke represents the close working together of two animals. When Paul talks of a yoke, the picture of the married covenant comes to mind.
A yoke with an unbeliever is an unequal yoke; like yoking two different kinds of animals together or animals of different sizes.
It will be extremely difficult to accomplish much together, as someone rightly observed that you’ll make it to heaven marrying an unbeliever but you might get there limping!
- A man who is sober and level-headed
These opening verses of Proverbs 31 are quite clear. A man given to strong drink is no man for a woman of noble character. Strong drink is not for men of God.
Men of God are not miserable. They do not need to drown their troubles in intoxicating drinks. They know where to take their troubles – to the Lord.
Strong drink robs you of sobriety, calmness, and sense.
It’s often sad yet comical watching a man get “transformed” from a sober-looking, quiet man to a sometimes-loud brawler, who can easily sleep in a trench, arriving at his house covered in mud.
My sister, run away from such a man and a life of misery!
- A man who is just
Our God is a God of justice. It follows that his men, who are seeking to be like Him, will be men of justice.
It is the will of God that men; heads of families, would be just.
This is a man who spends time with God and in His Word, the Bible. He knows God’s standards of justice.
He knows, from God’s Word, what’s morally right and fair.
As a father, he will fight favoritism for example. He will seek to view and treat his children equally.
As a leader in society, he will be respected as one who makes just and fair decisions towards others.
This is a man who seeks to honor God with his thoughts, words, and actions toward others.
- A man who has a genuine concern for others
Closely related to the above is this man’s love and care for others.
The queen mother advises the son to speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the destitute, pleading the course of the poor and needy.
Get married to a man who loves people; a man who is genuinely concerned for them. You will find it easier to minister to the needy yourself as a wife when you have a husband with a heart for people.
We are commanded to practice hospitality. Imagine a man who will be uncomfortable having people in the home.
A man who loves people will see a golden opportunity to minister to the hearts of people, or will at least provide a conducive environment for this to happen.
Take a look at this verse below:
“Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. (Tit.1:8)
That’s the kind of man we are talking about; the man described in the verse above.
- A man with clarity of calling and purpose
I find it rather interesting that the queen mother tells her son to give wine to those who are perishing.
In other words, the king is not hopeless; he is clear about his calling and mission in life. He is not without a sense of direction in life.
No wonder she gently reminds him of what most likely entailed his mission and calling in life as a leader – defending the rights of the poor and needy and speaking up for the oppressed.
Who can do this without clarity of calling and purpose from the Lord?
Far too many men are living for the here and now, reminding me of Paul’s words to the Corinthians
“Let’s eat and drink for tomorrow we die.”
What a hopeless way to live! Imagine being led by such a man: no clarity no direction, no hope.
A man who knows God and what God wants him to do; a man who knows why they are here on earth, will never do the things the queen mother warns her son of.
Such a man will not be at a loss as to what to do or how to lead his family in fulfilling the purposes of God.
Such is the kind of man that I would pray that you who is single, would get married to, as you walk with the Lord.
You as a wife will accomplish much for the glory of God with a man who is clear concerning their calling, mission, and purpose in the Lord.
This clarity of one’s calling, mission, and purpose in the Lord is not just about the man. In a soon-to-be-published blog post, I will talk about how a woman can know her calling and mission in the Lord.
- A man who loves God and wholly lives for him
Finally, no man can withstand the lures of the immoral woman and strong drink without full dependence on God and His divine help and strength.
No man can be just, nor can he genuinely love and care for people without God.
Only a man who loves God and wholly lives for Him, seeking to please Him each day, can do this.
I purposely brought this point at the tail end of this post when it should be the first, so that you can first see the characteristics in Proverbs 31, then understand that no man is capable of these without God.
Apart from God, none of us can be men, or women, of noble character.
Being married to a man, I now know that, except for a man’s love for God, even believing men can easily fall. Only God’s grace and power enable them to stand.
Dear sister, get married to a man who belongs to God, a man about whom the church and the people around him bear witness to the fact that he is born again.
Our journey of being and continuing to be formed into the noble women God wants us to be will be made easier and more meaningful when we get married to a man with these characteristics.
If you might be a wife reading this, pray that God would work out His character in your believing husband.
If your husband is not a believer, never cease to cry out to God in prayer for his salvation. It is God’s will that all men should be saved. That’s the beginning point of a godly character in a man.