The Proverbs 31 passage is rich. Women from all walks of life, whether single or married, can find nuggets by which they can enrich their lives in whichever state God has placed them.
Is it no wonder that we are still reflecting on Proverbs 31:11? Just in case you missed the last two posts that I wrote in light of this very verse, you can find them here and here.
Let’s look at Proverbs 31:11 one last time as we journey through the series: Tracking the Proverbs 31 Woman.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. (Proverbs 31:11-KJV)
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. (Proverbs 31:11-NIV)
What else could we possibly learn from this verse as women desiring to be godly?
Let’s take a look at a coin, imagine with me that on one side of the coin is the married woman and on the other side is the unmarried woman.
So far, we have been focusing on the married woman and or how to prepare for marriage. It would be irresponsible of us to look, as it were, at one side of the coin; to study it, to learn all we can about this one side, then toss it away.
Let’s, therefore, look at the other side of the coin. We want to look at singlehood because I believe we cannot complete our lesson and reflection on this particular verse without reflecting a little more on singlehood.
Before a woman is married, she is first of all single; as single as can be!
The reality of the matter is, that not everyone will get married. We hence need the help of the Lord before getting married and we also need the help of the Lord should the Lord lead that we don’t get married.
Jesus, in Matthew 19:12, even gives three reasons why some will not get married. This is what He says:
“For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”
Let’s list the 3 reasons so that we can distinctly see them:
- Some are eunuchs because they were born that way.
- Some are eunuchs because they were made that way by men.
- Some have renounced or given up marriage for the sake of the kingdom.
A critical look at society today reveals each of these 3 reasons in existence in our times.
My mother worked in mission hospitals most of her life. My siblings and I, therefore, grew up on a missionary compound.
There were many missionaries in the last station where she was before she retired. Many of these were single, having chosen this state so that they could serve the Lord on the mission field.
There are many more who have chosen this path because they want to serve the Lord and live for him singly and fully. They may not necessarily be on the mission field. They just feel they will be more fruitful because they are single.
The Bible gives us examples of some who were single. Paul is one such example. He chose to be single. This is what he says:
“Don’t we have the right to take a believing wife along with us, as do the other apostles and the Lord’s brothers and Cephas?” (1 Cor.9:5)
Paul had a right to marry but he chose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom.
We read of women like Miriam and Phoebe in the Bible. From the contexts in which they lived, they were both likely single.
Then there was the Ethiopian eunuch, who would represent those who were made eunuchs by men to serve royalty during those days.
From these examples, we can see the reality of singlehood in scripture. That is why we have to address this reality in light of this verse before we move to the next verse of Proverbs 31.
One of the things I pray you will come out of this blog post with is an appreciation of singlehood as a gift from the Lord just as marriage is. This would include handling those that are single with more respect and love, taking them as part of the body of Christ as God has ordained. That would be such a blessing.
Single women especially have faced a lot of opposition; many of them have not been fully accepted in society, especially in our African setting.
Single women have been pressured to get married. When they hit thirty, we are on their case; we make statements like: Marry anyone whether it’s a drunkard or whoever but get married.
If they are getting on in years, some cultures will go to the extent of encouraging a woman to at least get a child. Never mind that they would be sinning against God to do that; unless of course, it is by adoption. (But we know they don’t mean adoption!)
Behind this culture is the belief that a woman at least needs a child to be respected in society as well as to fend for them and take care of them during their old age.
We have associated singlehood with some kind of a curse and marriage with some kind of blessedness.
Some of the women who encourage our young Christian women to get married are women whose marriages one cannot emulate; but because of this association of marriage with blessedness, these women think that because they are married, they are respectable in society.
Women are complete in the sight of God, whether single or married. They are loved and accepted in the sight of God.
We are talking about this so that as a church we can stop putting pressure on single women, leading them to get married to the wrong people.
We can even lead them to get into marriage when perhaps the Lord has not put that desire in their hearts.
Putting this kind of pressure on single women is not right. It can lead a single woman to live below their full potential in the Lord, preoccupying their mind with marriage and whether they’ll ever get married or not instead of focusing on what God has called them to do.
Let’s now look at 4 ways we as women, and perhaps as a church, can view singlehood holistically:
- Let’s embrace singlehood as a gift from God just as we have embraced marriage as a gift from Him.
I learned this first reason from the late Elizabeth Elliot. It was such a game-changer for me. It was so liberating for me as a single woman at the time.
Embracing singlehood, personally helped me because I started to value it. I no longer treated it as a state to wonder about or from which to get out quickly.
I embraced it and served the Lord fully, knowing that just as the ones who were married have the gift of marriage, so do I have the gift of singlehood, for whatever length of time God would give it.
Because I was not in control of how long God would choose to give me this gift, then I was to serve Him with wholehearted devotion as long as I was single.
From my previous blog posts, you may know that I stayed slightly longer as a single woman than a number of my close associates.
This first lesson was very timely for me. Except for the usual struggle from time to time as I wondered whether I would ever get married, I was mostly at peace in my state of singlehood, which facilitated fruitfulness for me as a single woman at the time.
- As a single woman you have the opportunity to serve God with wholehearted devotion.
For the single woman, the concerns of a married woman such as the welfare of a husband, or a child, which often take up a huge percentage of a woman’s time, may not be on her list of concerns.
A married woman may not just wake up and make a decision to go visit a friend, let alone take up a ministry engagement. She will often have a lot to put into consideration before making even the least of decisions that could take up her time or affect her family in some way.
On the other hand, a single woman is free to make such decisions because as some put it, she is carrying herself and her entire household with her. She can therefore serve the Lord without lots of restraint.
No wonder Paul would pen these words in 1 Corinthians 7:28b:
“…But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.”
So, as a single woman, in this season and with the gift of singlehood God has given you, you can serve God with wholehearted devotion and singleness of heart.
I mentioned in previous blogposts of missionaries who have ministered to us; those who became missionaries as single women but for a season, then some who chose to be single for the rest of their lives. They have been a blessing to the body of Christ.
If it were not that some of them chose to serve God in their singlehood as missionaries, many of us would not have had the opportunity to give our lives over to the Lordship of Jesus Christ or been nurtured in the faith.
Some of the greatest encouragers of married women have been single women. I know of a woman who would offer to take care of children whenever her married friends needed to take care of a matter. To date, children simply enjoy her company. Never mind she is now in her early sixties.
I know several Christian Union (CU) patrons; some of who are single and who are pouring their lives into young high schoolers, directing them in the way of truth. They are serving God among young people in their generation.
How then can we not honor these single women in our midst, appreciating the gift of singlehood from the Lord upon some in His body?
- As a single woman, don’t shy away from ministering to families and specialized groups in the body of Christ.
Paul, the apostle to the Gentiles, made us realize that having children is not just about having biological children. Look at these two verses for instance:
“My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you,” (Gal.4”19)
“To Timothy, my dear son” Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.” (2Tim.1:2)
A single woman, just like Paul, has the potential of having children in the Faith. God has called us all to make disciples of all nations.
Both the single woman and the married woman have the privilege from the Lord to evangelize the lost and to disciple younger believers.
When you do this, sharing your life with younger believers God will lead your way, don’t be surprised to find yourself, just like Paul, in pains of childbirth, until Christ is formed in some of those you will walk with.
Many, as the Proverbs 31 woman children did, will arise and call you blessed, because of the impact of your ministry as a mother in the faith, upon their lives.
- Be part of (or start) a fellowship of like-minded single mature women for mutual encouragement, fellowship, and accountability.
As I have said before, those who are single, especially women, face lots of opposition.
Many of these younger women have even given up waiting on the Lord and serving Him in their singlehood because the path has proved to be lonely and difficult.
Not many of these younger women have a place to go to for mutual encouragement, fellowship, and accountability.
It becomes prudent for a single woman to trust the Lord for such a fellowship, or perhaps form one when such a one is lacking where they are.
When I was younger, I heard of this fellowship of women who were thirty years and above. They chose to come together so they can mutually encourage each other and not feel sorry for themselves.
They would also meet to spur each other onto love and good work together with forming a strong accountability structure to help them walk in integrity. Oh for more fellowships like this!
There was a season in our lives when we saw this need as we walked with young people on campus. After they had completed campus, we held such fellowships for girls who were getting older while their peers were getting married.
Both my husband and I stayed a little longer before we got married. We could therefore understand the context of many of these young women, particularly in our African context where marriage is highly valued over singlehood.
These kinds of fellowships, encourage the younger women to embrace singlehood as a gift and appreciate this state, hence seeking to walk in integrity before the Lord.
Let me end by saying this; if you are waiting on the Lord as a single woman, know there is nothing wrong with you; you are right in God’s will. Embrace this season of your life for the glory of God.
(In case you’d like more insight into the Proverbs 31 chapter, you can buy our book based on this passage right here on Amazon.)