My husband and I have been in youth ministry for several years now.

The worst regret we’ve often heard voiced by a believing spouse who knowingly married an unbeliever was that of uniting in marriage with an unsaved spouse.

our relationship with God is one of trust and obedience. When he says in 2Cor. 6:14 that we are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers, he wants us to trust that he knows best.

God wants us to know that his commands are not burdensome. They are for our good.

There is a lot we can glean from the Bible as to why God is not willing that a believer in him would marry an unbeliever.

He has definitely given you and me free will. If we choose to disobey, we will have the opportunity to repent if we return to him with our whole heart. Sadly though, we will bear the consequences of our actions.

We have seen many of these consequences. This blog post was actually born out of the desire to see many young Christian men and women of marriageable age navigate entry into the binding covenant of marriage God’s way.

What better way than to share, in writing too, with as many as we can, why marrying an unbeliever is not God’s way for them?

Let me now go ahead and share the 7 points of why marrying an unbeliever is bad for you as a Christian.

1. There is no Spiritual Connection Between you and an Unbeliever

I began with this point because it is one that most of us might ignore and yet it is the most important.

The scriptures clearly reveal that when we were unbelievers ourselves, we were dead in our sins and transgressions. Christ made us alive in him when we made the decision to follow Jesus wholeheartedly and live for him. (Eph.2:1-5)  

Marrying an unbeliever is tantamount to relating with a person who is dead. I hear one ask, how so? Spiritually, they have no connection with God who is the true life.

They may tolerate the things of God before marriage but they will eventually tire of them as you get on with marriage.

An unbelieving husband, for instance, may eventually forbid a believing wife from actively engaging in the church.

The Bible even warns as that:

“The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.” (1Cor.2:14)

Most spouses who marry unbelievers feel lonely and alone on their spiritual pilgrimage, longing for the God-ordained companionship of a spouse who will have nothing to do with their spiritual life and endeavors.

Even when you end up divorcing, regret will set in, denying you the blessedness of experiencing all that God intended for you in this area.

I often advise young people that they’d rather be single than marry an unbeliever.

2. Your Ability to Fulfill Your Life Purpose Will be Highly Compromised

God has divinely endowed each of us with a divine assignment to accomplish here on earth, that is, our purpose or mission.

Eph.2:10 reminds us that:

“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Getting born again places us on the path of discovering this purpose now that we are alive in Christ.

God reveals to us our purpose as we walk with him and diligently seek him.

A godly spouse will often be used by God on this journey to help one not only discover this purpose but to accomplish it as well.

I find this Scripture that two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work applying here as a couple comprising a believing man and woman accomplish more in marriage for God’s glory. (Find the verse in Eccl.4:9)

When a spouse is not born again, they will not fully comprehend matters of purpose in the Lord.

A spouse who will not allow their wife or husband to go for an evangelistic campaign for example, or to even host a neighborhood Bible study in their home is not contributing to the fulfillment of God’s purposes through their believing spouse.

Marriage should cause your purpose in the Lord to flourish even more especially due to what my husband likes to call matrimonial discipleship.

Matrimonial discipleship is where a husband and wife are not only walking together in marriage, they are providing a conducive environment for the purposes of God to thrive in each other.

Even the kindest of unbelieving spouses will be unable to discern what this conducive environment is because they don’t know the Lord, hence causing your purpose in the Lord not to be wholly fulfilled.

3. Your Growth and Fruitfulness in the Lord Will be Greatly Hindered

A lot of what the Bible commands a believer to do so that they can grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is often foreign to an unbelieving spouse.

A spouse might be very uncomfortable for instance, hearing you wake up in the wee hours of the morning to commune with God in his Word and in prayer.

Being part of a discipleship group to help you grow and mature in the faith can easily be frowned upon.

The other side of the coin is having a spouse who could care less about your faith. They don’t know what that means and they don’t care.

The trouble with this disinterest is that it doesn’t present itself on your journey towards marriage.

As you get into the rhythm of marriage, you quickly realize there is a level of spiritual connection that is nonexistent in your marriage that you hadn’t anticipated, a connection that would have facilitated your growth in your faith in the Lord.

When you can not fulfill your purpose in the Lord to the full, and when you are not growing in the grace and knowledge of our Lord as you should, you become less fruitful than you would have otherwise become.

Jesus said this in John 15:16:

“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit- fruit that will last…”

I pray that as many believers as are trusting God for marriage will be willing to trust God for a godly spouse. If one is not forthcoming, they’ll be like the old missionary lady who said that she believed God had a spouse for her but he was unwilling to go to the mission field where she would have met him!

In other words, I’m simply saying that if you want God’s best, you will be willing to remain single your whole life rather than marry an unbeliever.

4. There Will be a Heightened Risk of Unfaithfulness, Infidelity, and Domestic Violence

I don’t know whether you understand the seriousness of marrying a spouse who is dead in their sins and transgressions.

I remember listening to the sad story of a woman whose income couldn’t sustainably take care of her family.

She trustingly believed her newly employed husband, who kept lying to her for months that they’d not been paid.

A friend who was working with her husband at the time, responded to her in disbelief when she asked, telling her that they were being paid all along.

As I watched her share this with me in anger, having toiled for her family all those months, I wondered, where had he been taking all his money? What else was he hiding from her?

I also need to tell you that this born-again woman had knowingly entered into a marriage union with her unsaved husband.

When a person is dead spiritually, unless they have been brought up with a high sense of hatred for immorality and violence, it’s very difficult for them to resist sin.

The Holy Spirit in a believer keeps them from sinning, giving them the strength to say no to sin and wickedness. Without the Holy Spirit, it is difficult to resist sin.

I know one of us might be reading and thinking: I know believers who don’t have a happy marriage. I even know some who are violent, or even immoral.

If a spouse is immoral, or violent, and yet they claim to be born again, they are not.

The Bible clearly warns us that we will have those who call themselves Christians who are not believers in the Lord. they are wolves in sheep’s clothing.

Be wary of such people in the church. They are there. Some are even specifically looking for born-again spouses to marry because they think they make good marriage partners.

This is why this blog post here will help you identify who to marry in the Lord if you are trusting God for a godly marriage partner.

5. One Can Lose Their Faith and go to Hell

I once heard of this illustration of someone who is down in a hole. It is easier for this person in the hole to pull another down towards them than for the other to try pulling them up and out of the hole.

It will be easier for an unbelieving spouse to lead the believing spouse towards compromise. Compromise will eventually lead to a softening of the heart towards sin. This can ultimately lead to the believing spouse shipwrecking their faith.

I cannot even begin to count the number of compromising situations a believing spouse can find themselves in for the sake of their unbelieving marriage partner.

I remember as a younger unmarried woman helping a relative who’d hosted me at the time to prepare for a party.

As the day wore on into the night, I personally couldn’t stand the music and the drinking going on. I wasn’t sure how my Godfearing host was taking it as her husband hosted the party.

Many of the born-again spouses I’ve interacted with who deliberately married a spouse who is not saved will often not be able to firmly dissuade a young woman for instance, who seems to be taking the same route towards marriage that they took.

My point is that many of their convictions tend to be thoroughly compromised.

It is possible hence to lose your faith in the Lord if you marry an unbeliever.

6. You Will Set a Bad Precedent for the Next Generation

I trust a lot of what I’ve already said is shedding more light on understanding this point.

I personally grew up in a household where one spouse was born again and the other wasn’t.

I would often see the compromise in convictions especially when facing various circumstances that would need a godly stand.

I didn’t realize I was getting affected until I was born again.

I couldn’t understand, for instance, why our teachers in high school who were born again and preachers would advise us to never consider marrying a spouse who was not born again.

I received the information in my mind. It never really got to my heart. My reality at home dictated otherwise.

At least my parents had survived, and we seemed not to be doing badly as a family. I must have thought too I would survive if I got married to an unbeliever.

A few years later, as I studied the Scriptures and God’s purposes for marriage and the family, I finally understood why we were being advised this way. God enabled me to stand and wait on him for a godly spouse.

It is quite inhibiting to minister to the younger generation especially when you compromise in the area of choosing a spouse.

The younger generation as well as those you minister to will take you more seriously when you walk in godliness and integrity when it comes to marriage.

If I compromise in this area, if I have to minister effectively, I will have to keep sharing my story as an example not to follow.

One of the realities that helped me to keep trusting God for a godly husband in the future even as I was getting on in age is this one: Having a voice in my generation.

Marrying right will give you a God-ordained voice to speak to the younger generation in your time.

They will listen, having the assurance that if you made it, they too will make it by the grace of God.

7. This Will Bring Confusion to Your Children

Some of those who suffer the consequences of a marriage where one of the spouses is not a believer are your children.

This is even made worse when the spouses in the marriage are from different faiths.

The children are then not sure who to follow with regard to their faith.

Because children’s convictions are more caught than taught, we often get surprised when a child chooses the way of the world rather than the way of God.

we will see children compromise because of what they have seen an unbelieving spouse do.

Convictions and values in such a family will differ, and children will tend to go for the easier option in making decisions rather than the right option.

As you contemplate marriage and who to marry, think for a moment of the next generation coming after you from your loins.

Are you willing to possibly compromise their eternity by a decision to marry an unbeliever? Are you ready for the sorrow that might fill your heart as you see them led in a direction you would never have thought of leading them because of a spouse who’s not born again?

Think again before you marry that unbeliever knocking on the door of your heart.

Think of the implications of your decision.

I pray you will be willing to trust the Lord with abandon such that should he not give you a believing spouse, you’ll be willing to live for him as a single, all the days of your life.

Your life will be more fruitful and fulfilling than when you share it with an unbeliever in marriage.