“She is worth far more than rubies.” (Prov. 31:10b)

Let’s take just a little longer to reflect on this verse; a verse loaded with insight!

In case you missed the blog post where I expounded on the first part of this Proverbs 31 verse, you can find it here.

I felt it necessary to focus on a different aspect of this verse before moving on to our next verse of Proverbs 31. What is that aspect?

Well, talk to any born-again woman and ask them if they believe that Jesus Christ died for them because they are precious and highly valued in His sight.

Many of us will answer in the affirmative. Why would anyone believe otherwise? Someone may even quip.

A deeper look, however, into a typical woman’s worldview might just reveal a different reality. Many a woman have issues with their esteem.

It could be my struggle with my general physique or simply how I come across. It could even be my performance at my workplace, or as a wife and or as a mother.

We have found ourselves as women, whether consciously or unconsciously measure our worth by certain parameters.

For instance, what someone has said, or done to me, especially in my formative years, tends to define who I am and how I view myself.

As I grow older, then what others say, or do, either strengthens and, or, affirms this belief system.

These parameters that I’m calling contextual realities are what I want to discuss in this blog post.

I will briefly share and discuss these realities here, in a bid to stimulate you to wholesome thinking, deeper prayer, and reflection.

My prayer is that nothing will hinder the work of God in your life as he leads you into his freedom and life.

I say this because just exploring these realities can lead you to a greater understanding of why you are not experiencing the life of God as he intended.

You can then choose to live by God’s truth and experience this life of God in Christ; the life that is truly life.

Before we get into these contextual realities, I feel it necessary to define Contextual Realities so that we can be on the same page as we go through them.

A look at the meaning of contextual from Google’s Oxford Languages is: depending on or relating to the circumstances that form the setting for an event, statement, or idea.

The same dictionary defines reality as the state of things as they exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them. Also:

a thing that is experienced or seen, especially when this is unpleasant.

I have therefore defined contextual realities as a combination of underlying factors that have influenced and shaped our actions and behavior albeit our not knowing it.

From the definitions above, we can therefore say that these contextual realities form the setting by which our experiences are shaped and lived out.

Let’s get into these realities to understand a little more how they shape our understanding and expression of our womanhood.

1. The Feminist Movement

According to Wikipedia, the feminist movement refers to a series of social movements and political campaigns for reforms on women’s issues created by the inequality between men and women.

Wikipedia continues to say that such issues are women’s liberation, reproductive rights, domestic violence, maternity leave, equal pay, women’s suffrage, sexual harassment, and sexual violence.

As you and I are well aware, women have come a long way. The issues mentioned above have been real issues when it comes to women and how they have been viewed and handled by their male counterparts over the years.

The feminist movement must have therefore started on a wonderful note of liberating the woman from oppression and in some cases, atrocities by men that needed to be brought to a halt.

I dare say that this oppression, and resultant consequences, are the tale-tell signs of a fallen man living out his fallen nature.

Man, left to himself, without God, is capable of the worst kind of wickedness.

The situation isn’t becoming any better. The media abounds with examples of these atrocities and senseless abuses by men against their counterparts; the women.

The scriptures even warn that the workers of iniquity are inventing ways of doing evil. (Rom. 1:30) The situation is spiraling downward to the worst we are yet to see or hear of.

Who wouldn’t rise to fight against this, especially when it is addressed against the woman?

However, the underside of this movement is that:

• It has ended up propagating the sameness of the genders rather than equality.

Men and women can never be the same. We are different. For instance, the expression of our emotions, or how we view life and situations will be different. Unless we recognize this, rather than working towards complementing each other, we will compete with each other, frustrating effort for greater output and fruitfulness. This brings me to my next point.

• It obscures the woman by placing her on a warpath with a man. Feminism hypnotizes women to the belief that men are a stumbling block to their success

Men and women are not in a fighting contest to determine who will outdo the other. We who belong to the household of faith are looking to God to help us define the roles that each gender plays, as God has ordained in His Word. We then operate within those roles. Because God knows us most, we trust He knows the roles we would operate in best and the output that would bring the greatest fulfillment.

• It has affirmed the girl child rather than both.

We have seen girls and women flourish while their counterparts the boys wallow in fear and lack of confidence. The part of our country where I live has seen many boys and men getting destroyed by beer and illicit drugs.  Majorly, the root might just have been the affirmation of girls, from when they were young, assuming the boys are doing well.

• It has to a certain extent ignored the basic needs of a child or children involved, simply focusing on the adults in question.

For instance, when a young mother is pushed towards growing in her career at the expense of her children who need her at that critical age and is hailed for this, what about the needs of her little children for her love and attention?

Focusing on the plight of adults alone is being lopsided in sorting out feminism issues. Children must be included in the equation.

• The issue is no longer: What does God say in this? Rather, I ask: What about me?

For the believer in Christ, trust in God and what he says is critical.

It’s no longer about my rights. I have relinquished those rights to God. He determines what’s best for me as a woman through His Word. I then in turn have faith that when I walk as He says, then I will experience the greatest fulfillment as a woman, even when it is contrary to what the feminist movement would advocate.

2. The Education System

Education is a necessary aspect of our growth process. It is a basic human right that enables one to not only learn new things but to have one’s mind grow, expand, and get equipped.

This makes it possible for one to interpret life in a more realistic, informed, and knowledgeable way.

Having said this, I must add that our education system may often permeate our worldview, engraving in our minds a humanistic worldview rather than a biblical one whether we are aware of it or not.

Here are a few observations I have made about most education systems:

• They are based on Greek philosophy rather than Jewish philosophy which is closer to Biblical philosophy.

It tends toward being abstract rather than being real or actual.

Think of Deut. 6:6-7 and how God expected the Law to be passed onto the younger generation.

“And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart. And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”

The parents were to first have the commands in their hearts. They were then to pass them on to their children diligently through teaching as well as in the hustle and bustle of life.

Jesus follows this up by not only teaching His disciples, they went practically everywhere with Him.

Paul crowns it all by telling Timothy

“And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others.” (2Tim. 2:2)

He further reminds him:

“You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance,” (2 Tim. 3:10)

As opposed to going somewhere to be taught, students would embrace some of both: Get taught but have the one teaching model the concept before them.

• Most parents tend to believe education is the work of the teachers and the government.

This may be true to a certain extent. For the Christian parent though, if your child has to understand and express womanhood biblically, then you must be part of their education journey.

If not, you may end up seeing education and other aspects of a child’s life in two compartments rather than one seamless whole.

Presently, most parents have no idea what their children are learning in school. Even if they did, they may not relate with it practically in a way children can embrace it. Most parents will argue they are paying teachers to do this.

The problem with this is that the education system can slowly but surely permeate your child’s worldview with a philosophy that is not yours.

The outcome of this is an expression of womanhood that is not necessarily biblical, but a worldly one.

• Most systems of education teach secular principles and not necessarily biblical principles or values.

To express biblical womanhood, I must be feeding my mind with biblical principles. For instance, when submission to a husband is viewed as oppression from a world standpoint, a child may grow up embracing the secular principle that seems to make lots of sense to the mind. They may shun submission to a husband later in life. The expression of their womanhood as a godly woman is then affected negatively when they get married.

• Our education system tends to propagate competition.

Children will tend to be valued based on their performance rather than who they are as persons.

How many a child has felt worthless simply because they couldn’t perform in school?

Let’s face it: The role models we will parade before our children to exhort them to work hard are not necessarily those with upright lives but those who’ve made it academically.

Interactions among children in school may sometimes work to destroy rather than affirm what a parent is building in their child.

Haven’t we seen children face ridicule for taking a particular stand to do right?

3. Our Upbringing

Our upbringing is basically how we have been brought up.

The upbringing or rearing of children varies from one home to another. In some cases, it may even vary from one child to another within the same home.

It could also depend on the personality of the parent, their own experiences in life and in being reared, and their style of rearing.

I just noted here a few factors on upbringing. I might have been brought up:

• In a loving home where I was loved and affirmed.
• In a harsh environment where I was always afraid to be myself, and or to fail.
• Where I might have been pulled down or torn apart by words.
• With high expectations such as high performance in school.
• With an absentee parent or parents who were too busy.
• With a single parent.
• Spending most of my time away in boarding school.

All these factors will affect and influence a child’s expression of womanhood and their view of the same in the future.

For instance, they may grow up to be cynical, churning out hurting words because they were modeled before them by a mother or guardian.

I tend to believe that womanhood is imprinted. It is also caught as well as taught. If I don’t model womanhood before the younger generation, at least in the way I feel they should express it, then I shouldn’t be surprised when they express it differently than I anticipated.

If an environment doesn’t allow for me to be taught and trained as well as having womanhood modeled before me, then I will pattern my womanhood based on what I am exposed to.

4. Cultural Factors

According to the google dictionary, culture is the ideas, customs, and social behavior of a particular people or society.

Let’s look at several factors:

• For many of us, nothing affects and or influences our expression of womanhood like our culture does.

We will often respond to circumstances with our cultural goggles on.

For instance, how does my culture define a complete woman, single or married?

When they have a child. I might go ahead and get a child, regardless of whether I am married, or not; regardless of whether how I went about it is pleasing to God, on not.

• We are born into a culture that predominantly has an unwritten code of how our womanhood is to be expressed.

The above-named example could be part of this code.

I may have been accustomed to being silent when others are making decisions. The unwritten code could be that men are decision-makers. Women are to be silent when men are making these decisions.

• Because of our cultural orientation, many of us will tend to view life and decision-making from a cultural perspective.

I know women who marry a man from their culture. Deep down in their being might be the belief that their womanhood would be expressed best when they marry one from their culture.

Culture will often define womanhood and the expectations that follow, including the parameters around womanhood.

Cultural laws can be so deeply ingrained that they look like biblical principles.

I find the practice in the culture in which I was born, for instance, to have girls run away and quietly elope, then the “new couple” usually the woman, continuing in church as though nothing happened, quite disturbing.

Nobody thinks there is a sin to be repented, to say the least!

Cultural practices can destroy if not viewed in light of the Scripture.

5. One’s General Physique

Not many women grow up not having any issue with their physical make-up and, or their looks. We all seem to have an issue here or there concerning an aspect of our body.

The fall in the garden of Eden multiplied our problems. The enemy of our souls capitalizes on this, causing women to develop a very low sense of worth if any.

I have talked about the implications of the fall of man in the Garden of Eden and its implications on womanhood in this same blog post here that I mentioned earlier.

Only God, through the redeeming work of Jesus on the cross, can restore us, granting us to express our womanhood to His glory.

The truth is, there is very little I can do about my physique. When I base my identity on my looks and physique, I am bracing myself up for disappointment.

We are living in a fallen world. Until we get to heaven where we will experience complete and ultimate perfection, we will keep finding our physique falling so short of our expectations.

Learning to appreciate who we are in Christ, focusing on the inner unfading beauty He is working out in us, will be critical in helping us accept our outward appearance.

It’s also interesting to note that what I might be most ashamed about is what God might just use to fulfill His purpose and glorify his name.

You might just be the right person to minister to a person with a similar struggle to know they are loved and accepted by God just as they are.

Looking to God to deal with struggles and issues arising from our physique forms a major part of healthy Christ-centered esteem.

I must however add that who I watch and admire, and who I consider my heroine, (usually on media) tend to define what I perceive to be my perfect physique.

It’s my hope and prayer that God will enable us not to judge our appearance by what we see, or by how others and the world have defined it as the perfect physique.

Let’s trust God to be comfortable and at peace in our skin!

I am aware that comments from authorities such as parents and teachers, as well as our peers, especially when we are younger, leave indelible marks, causing many of us to view ourselves in light of what these have said.

God can intervene, bringing restoration as we submit to Him and the authority of His Word. We must let the Scriptures define who we are in Christ Jesus. Only in Christ and in His Word, will we find the standard of true beauty.

6. Certain Experiences, Pains, Hurts in Life

Let me reiterate this, we live in a fallen world.

It is the will of God that we would be protected from all manner of harm and wicked activity orchestrated by the evil one.

We however are aware of the fact that because of the fall, all sorts of terrible things have been done against some of us or our loved ones.

This is not an easy contextual reality to talk about because of the injustice of it all. We however raise it with the assurance that we have a God in heaven, who is aware of all things.

Should you have gone through a painful experience or hurt in life, I trust that God will continue to bring about healing work in you. He is well able to reach us at our very core, regardless of the nature or magnitude of our pain or woundedness.

Words and actions by authorities in our lives are some of those that can cause the greatest wounding in our lives. We want to trust God that He would enable us to face pain and our hurt, seek to forgive, and look to Him to walk in His healing.

Some of the pain and hurt might be the result of our own wrong choices and decisions. When we are aware of this, we can turn to our heavenly Father, seek His forgiveness, and trust Him to walk in the newness of His life.

For some, we may need to walk away from a relationship or setting that we know was not God-ordained, seek God’s forgiveness, and renounce every connection with the enemy, where we may have allowed him a foothold.

We may need a mature Christian, or believing counselor, to help us walk the path of healing with the right perspective.

We can never underestimate the pain one might feel when there is pain or hurt in one’s life. let us however trust God never to go down the path of bitterness and unforgiveness.

Someone once said that being bitter and unforgiving is likened to taking poison and expecting the one who caused the pain to suffer from the poison.

Part of the journey of flourishing as a woman is when we are walking in God’s healing and restoration.

7. Societal Expectations

These are simply expectations placed on women by society. If these are not met, then we are viewed as not expressing our womanhood rightly.

Societal expectations tend to be the product of other contextual realities.

I like to put it this way: These other contextual realities have been “thoroughly mixed and cooked in a pot” as it were. The result is often these expectations.

You’ll find a little feminism in them; cultural factors in others, while the education system will reflect in some of these.

For instance, I may consider furthering my education to obtain a doctorate. I may want to prove to the men in my space that I can do just as well, or even better. Feminism is definitely at play.

I may have been brought up to believe that getting to the highest I possibly can in education, defines my worth in society. My upbringing and the education system are definitely behind my expression of womanhood here.

Society has silently played the role of working through other contextual realities to cause me to fit into its mold of how my womanhood should be defined.

A critical look at many of these societal expectations reveals no scriptural basis in them. We however bend to the expectations, so as not to be termed different or even rebels.

Ever wondered why you do what you do? what’s the motive behind this?

Who or what guides your decision-making?

Who defines success for you?

The answers to these questions may just reveal whether you have bent towards a societal expectation, or not.

8. The Enemy

The enemy, the devil, will work through all these contextual realities we have looked at to hinder the work of God and His will in our lives.

That’s why I thought it wise to have it last.

Satan’s sole purpose is to steal, kill and destroy.

He will work to hinder us from experiencing God’s life, light, and freedom. He wants us to remain in bondage.

Thank God though that His will is that we would experience all He has for us. Jesus came that we might have life and have it more abundantly. (John. 10:10)

We however will find that though we are aware of all this, we will often give the enemy a foothold in our lives, to cause us to experience less than what God intended.

For instance, what are you feeding your mind, every day?

What do you spend your time, doing?

Who influences your life the most?

Who do you spend your time with?

In answering these questions, might there be something you are doing whereby you are giving the enemy a foothold to gain legal access into your life?

 

I pray that as you reflect on these realities as a woman, you will be able to identify aspects of your life that have been brought into sharp focus by some of these realities.

You can then trust the Lord to help you define your womanhood in the light of His Word, adjusting your life accordingly for God to work in you, making you into the woman He wants you to be.

Coming blog posts are aimed at helping you pattern your life aright for God’s glory while answering pertinent questions about womanhood, as God intended.

We will continue looking at the Proverbs 31 passage in doing so.

Kindly look out for them. I pray they will be a blessing!

(In case you’d like more insight into the Proverbs 31 chapter, you can buy our book based on this passage right here on Amazon.)